Dear Moneyist,
My mom passed away three months ago and it has been an eye-opening experience with my siblings. There are three of us and the will divided the inheritance equally. My brother is the executor, but he has not put the will through probate. He is going through his own lawyer to set up a trust.
My brother works at a financial institute and took out a home equity loan against my mom’s house so that my mom would have access to money for home repairs. I used $10,000 of that money to pay for my mom’s nursing home rehab a few months before she died. I wrote the checks and she signed them.
My sister somehow got her hands on the checkbook for that account and wrote herself a $20,000 check between the time my mom was in the nursing home and her passing. My sister also got her hands on my Mom’s ATM card for her savings account and withdrew several hundred dollars.
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Here’s the kicker. My mom left a codicil to her will that gives this sister a life estate in the house. My mom did not know about the stealing. My brother knows she stole the money, but he is adamant that my sister should still be able to live in the house. She and my brother have told me I can’t go over to the house because it is my sister’s now.
Now they are not talking to me and I am not allowed in my mom’s house. I’ve been to my lawyer to get my name on the house, but my hands are tied until it is probated. I don’t want the house or the money. I just want to decline my inheritance and get away from any liabilities and these aliens I used to call family.
Smelling a stink Massachusetts
Dear Mass.,
There is a lot you can do. That’s the good news. It has been three months since your mother’s death, and her estate has still not been probated. There is also a paper trail. That $20,000 should come out of your sister’s inheritance. Contact the bank and report the check as an unauthorized withdrawal, if indeed your sister was not authorized to make that withdrawal. As an interested party, you can also challenge your brother’s executorship of the will.
I often receive letters from people who have simply waited too long to make sure that justice can been done and stolen property can be returned. It’s often difficult to read a letter from someone who has agonized over a decision such as this only to realize that it’s too late. I want to help them, but I can’t. This woman wrote to tell me that her step-siblings had looted her father’s estate. But so many years had gone by, her case was all but hopeless.
Also see: My sister took care of our mother for 10 years—shouldn’t she be entitled to her house?
The life estate of your mother’s home will end when your sister passes away. I believe you are right to ensure that the house is divided between the estate of the remaining beneficiaries — you and your brother, assuming you are still living. This is your inheritance and your mother would have wanted you to share it. If you decide to walk away now, you may end up regretting it later. Alternatively, you may have a charity that’s close to your heart.
This woman wrote to me in 2016 about her late former husband, who was abusive to her daughters. She too wanted to decline any inheritance, but I told her that I get so many letters from people who believe life owes them a favor that it was moving to hear from someone who wanted nothing except peace of mind. But I also believed that they could put any inheritance to good use: education, a home or even a charity for survivors of abuse.
Whatever you decide, I wish you good health and a happy life. You took care of your mother in her final years and you should take heart in that.
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